I am!

This is probably the best blonde joke of the century.

The Blonde Joke

Thank you Future Lines for sharing it with me

1. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

2. A crocodile can’t stick its tongue out.

3. A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

4. In a study of 200,000 ostriches, over a period of 80 years, no one
reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

5. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

6. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

7. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

8. Horses can’t vomit.

9. The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

10. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. And, if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

11. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

12. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

Well, just thought this was something we all needed to know

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.

This is a funny little game. Tell us your score

Quail Shoot

DISCLAIMER: By posting this game on my blog I am NOT indicating that the VP was drinking on the day he shot his friend

I am blonde and I have had several blonde moments today, so I think it is time for a little blonde joke

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”

The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!”

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Have you been in the service?”
“Yes,” he says. “I was in Viet Nam for three years.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you extra points toward employment”
and then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, “Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.”
The interviewer tells the guy, “O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M.”
The guy is puzzled and says, “If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?”
“This is a government job” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls…no point in you coming in for that.”

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When a Woman wears Leather Clothing

- a man’s heart beats quicker.
- his throat gets dry.
- he goes weak in the knees.
- and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

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Because she smells like a new truck.

The Three Stooges Live revisited

LONDON (Reuters) - A man who tripped, fell down a staircase and smashed into three rare Chinese vases in a museum two weeks ago said Monday “it was just a regrettable accident.”

“I snagged my shoelace, missed the step and ‘crash bang wallop,’ there was a million pieces of high quality Qing ceramics lying around beneath me,” Nick Flynn told BBC radio.

Read More Here

I still feel sorry for this poor fellow, but I can not help but laugh LOL

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but
there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly,
some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than
cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have
devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their
collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then
the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

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Yeah lame joke I know LOL

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
‘’Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.'’

‘’You foul-mouthed swine,'’ retorted the lady indignantly. ‘’In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.'’

‘’Hey, coola down lady,'’ said the man. ‘’Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.'’